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My creative Muse has been calling me back to my inks. I feel called to mixed media but now the craft studio is no longer habitable its limiting what and where I can create. Turns out while I’ve been at the back of the cave hibernating, my fave Adirondack inks are no more 😦 that makes me sad.

The story so far. The studio space (part of the shed outside) is no longer habitable, it hasn’t been for a long time but the time has come for me to admit that to myself and release to the world what was in there. I rescued the stamps that were most precious to me, un-mounted them and left the rest to the fates. They are now going to be rehomed.

The pencils I’m very thankful I brought indoors when I did as now even inside the cupboards the mould that covers the ceiling and walls is also creating a lot of damp in there too, even stuff inside a cupboard inside a box has a layer of dusty green mould.

A lot has happened, I no longer feel called to make cards, my heart just isn’t in it. I would love a messy space where I could keep drawers of paint,easy to hand, and space to throw ink and paint around n not have to worry if it hit the wall or floor, but that is no longer my story. I am finding the process sad and painful, but its not worse than knowing it HAS to be done and stressing about the how.

Circling the wagons

Life laundry. Do I use it…no. Do I need it..no, do I want it? Parts of me do but not in its current state, it all holds so many memories of what WAS but can no longer be. 4 years ago, when (it) first happened, I had a desire to burn the lot, dump the lot, I just couldn’t be around it. I left the studio closed, unloved, forgotten but not forgotten. The irony, now I feel called back to it, time has moved on in there, nature has reclaimed an unused space and now a lot of it is unusable.

I am not the person I used to be, I journal, I write poems, I have been exploring Jane Davenport classes, they can be done with less supplies when your energies are low. I got by on a pencil case with a pencil, putty eraser, a few fine liners and a sketchbook. Gradually the water colours called so there is a box of those and a water brush. They tempted me back to my many and varied coloured pencil collection. The acrylics call but they feel a step too far, tangling with a box to get them out, the clear up before I can eat on the table. So yeah, they sit in the box and wait for me.

Watching a craft TV show, my first in ages, I saw Tim Holtz n Ranger stuff, I was sad, remembering all the cut n dry foam I had carefully mounted onto the wooden blocks I had found in a craft store and that they too had gone rotten. I decided to invest in a few of Rangers ink pad handles and the show sent free Tim Holtz book. It called me back, the nylon back on the foam was ok to remove from the blocks, I had 3 so I wouldn’t have to swap them too much during a certain project. I made a background and used the Tim Holtz stamp platform I had bought earlier in the year. I need better card stock, what I used wasn’t perfect. But I remembered the joy of the inks and colours.

The Tim Holtz Stamp platform by Ranger has been great, my fine motor skills are worse so blocks have been a bit much but this platform means the bigger stamps are now possible. Maybe one day I’ll have the strength to gradually go through the stamps I saved and re mount them again. I feel more called to mixed media and journalling and adding sketches to my words.

Its been about ten years since I started to make cards, I just don’t have the heart, dexterity or energy for it now. I was just watching Sara from Crafters companion on C&C, tempted me to rebuy the eneloper and box making board but I’ve sat on my hands. I have a Scor It board that lets me easily score card, and the card stock stash I had, is also in the process of going. I’m trying to avoid landfill as much as possible. so donating to charities that can reuse things with kids groups, or sell on to raise their funds.

My heart hurts in this process, but there comes a time when that saying  about ‘staying tight in the bud is more painfull than opening up.’ A wise man Stephen Baker told me once, ‘You never have to have this day again’. He also said ‘Its ok to try’. I know the process is going to be hard, painful on many levels and involve many tears. Evolution takes a lot of time and energy, a lot of processing

BUT

Lessons noticed

I can’t say learned, this lesson will be repeated until its understood, it has been repeated to me more times than I care to share.

I did save the most precious things to me, at the start. The lesson was, showing me how much I had ‘saved’ out there in the past, because it was too nice, too special to use and that when you do that, and wait too long, the moment passes. Now I am not running after every pretty shiny thing that comes on TV. I have no where to put it and no real need for it. Now I come to this hobby with discernment. I am trying to look at where I am right now. Who I am right now, what I make and who I make it for, then and only then do I consider if what is show will fit with that and help it or is just the latest flower and not for me. I buy artist quality paint because I know it will be a more pleasant experience than the student quality, that by doing so, I will want to use it.

It is Autumn, the leaves are falling, the nights drawing in, it is the season of endings, the lesson in all this is change. It is the way of the world, I can hate change as much as I want but it won’t stop it happening. Like my Dad used to say ‘There is a time for everything’, I won’t finish that quote it makes me cry. He was very stoic about his terminal illness, ‘a time to be born’ and all that. Last week would have been his birthday and was also another anniversary of my husbands passing. I HATE this time of year with a passion, too many anniversaires of those who have passed. Colour for me right now, is a way to express the thoughts feelings and emotions that are beyond words but need to be expressed. Screaming in colour on the page, scribbling in pencils, crayons is very therapeutic.

This is the page that I’m on. I want to blog, to create, to make and will do so, as and when pain levels allow. Usually at this point I would apologize profusely for this not being a happy positive post. But it is what it is, the world isn’t all puppies, kittens etc. Sometimes its necessary to be truthful for how your world is for you, and if we all did that, maybe we would see a need in each other, and be kinder to each other along the way. Faking isn’t helping anyone, pretending you are ok when inside you are crying means no one knows you could do with a hand. The world needs us to be honest with each other. There is way more fake than just fake news.

May you find the thing that makes you smile, and may you find others who share your journey with kindness love and respect.

Sending you peace love and light

Billie

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Welcome Back

 

Haven’t posted in ages, well haven’t crafted in ages either TBH. I made the rag doll Matilda and still need to show you pictures of that.

Have watched a few shows on C&C. Still loving Craft Artist but haven’t had the energy to do that, but have just bought their adorable oriental digikit so hope to have a play with that.

In other news, I have been having a go a poetry. Its been a way to heal, seems my soul has a lot to say and is very angry. Most of it is quite personal stuff, so not for on here.

I still think of you and want to come back and write this blog again, so I’m going to post now and then as energy allows. So its worth keeping me on your readers, honest.

Some stuff just needs a lot of time to process and find ways to deal with and heal from and that’s what I’m doing and why I’ve not been posting here.

I wish you all joy peace and happiness and will return as soon as I am able too.

 

Best wishes and thanks for reading

Billie

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I have a good reason

Welcome Back

I have an excellent reason for not blogging in a while, but its not one I’m ready to share with the world as its too painful to talk about yet. The short version is that I am processing something huge and its gonna take time to heal and recover.

A dear friend sent me something that sums things up rather neatly.

FB_20141127_05_22_34_Saved_Picture

Getting by one step at a time

When times get tough sometimes we need help;

Take a pen, in your left palm write ‘Breathe in, look at other hand’. in your right palm write; ‘Breathe out, look at other hand’ Right now I’m just about getting by with just doing that.

 

Sorry for the lack of headings, can’t seem to find them and haven’t the capacity to work it out at the moment. I went back to the old version of WP rather than the new format but boggled.

I’ll post again when I can, thanks for being patient with me.

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R.I.P Charlie

Welcome Back

On the 4th of July two beautiful rainbow budgies came to live with us, Charlie and Sunshine. They were born 1 May this year. Charlie developed breathing problems the following Wednesday and we rushed them both to the vets, the vet kept them in and it wasn’t until the 13th that we could bring them home. We had to continue giving them oral meds for a few weeks but they made a full recovery.

Sunshine (yellow face) and Charlie my two Rainbow budgies. Just over 2 months old.

Sunshine (yellow face) and Charlie my two Rainbow budgies. Just over 2 months old.

In August Charlie stared his first moult, all was going well, Sunshine joined him in her first moult a couple of weeks later and they came out for their first fly at the end of that month. Charlie was the more nervous but she mostly covered it and would be first to any toys which she would claim and hers and the same with food. There weren’t any big fights but a fair few sqabbles. her favourite thing is the world was to throw things, the bigger and louder the crash the better. Possibly this was coz I would invariably reply ‘Oh Charlie’ whenever she did so. I gave them a pot of wood and acrylic toys and she would throw them one at a time out of the pot for me to pick back up.

With the weather warm Charlie was also first in the bath! She took to the bath really well and would get in there with Sunshine. They both love veggies and Charlie’s latest thing was to grab mouthfuls of food and wander around the cage and spit them out somewhere else. This  started after I put them back on regular seed after a while on ‘budgie rocket fuel.’ so we joked it was in protest but she got a reaction so would do it with any food in the end. I had to take them off the high energy stuff as they are in a Ferplast Record 3 cage as they were still on quarantine and it was making them far too bouncy for the space the cage allowed.

This week was coming to the end of 8 weeks quarantine after the extra month to be sure they were clear of the infection they had caught. I was hoping to get them side by side with Robin this week, I fed them before I had my breakfast and Charlie hopped on my arm as I put the food pot in, the were eating and drinking and chattering as normal. I had my breakfast and sat about 3 feet from them with a cup of tea, to catch up on a programme I recorded. I looked over and saw only Sunny on a perch but sitting tall as they do when they were scared. I called ‘Where’s Charlie?’ which if she was playing out of sight on the floor would normally bring her up to a perch to see what was going on but nothing happened, all quiet. I went over to look and my poor baby had died and was lying on the floor of the cage. I couldn’t believe it, there had been no sneezing no sickness, nothing to suggest she wasn’t in perfect health, only the day before she had been out for a fly. She was still warm so it must have only just happened.

Rest in Peace Charlie

Rest In Peace Charlie budgie. This was taken after she came back from the vets.

If you have birds and want to help them through the loss of a partner bird Please read on.

After taking Charile out to check she had indeed passed on I put her body back in the cage. I’ve kept birds for over 40 years and its traumatic for everyone when a loved bird dies but if there is a partner bird and you just take one away, its even more heart-breaking to hear them call and call for the lost bird. I have found if you let them see the body and be with it for a while they settle afterwards much quicker.

At first Sunshine ignored Charlie, then he looked and called, next he went down to the floor of the cage and ate the sand sheet for a while getting gradually closer and closer to Charlie. After a while of this he nuzzled her, preened her, called to her and later came back to the perch and went back to ignoring her. Wait a little while longer but once the partner bird starts ignoring again, take the body out.

If you had to have your bird put to sleep or he/she died of an infection don’t put the body back in the cage but do leave it near the cage in sight of the partner bird. They will still call and investigate after the initial ignoring, it seems to help them.

We have another bird, Robin who is 5 years old in a much bigger cage but he was aggressive toward a previous bird (Tiny) so I’m nervous of trying to introduce Sunshine to him but Sunshine has gone quite timid with being alone as he’s always had Charlie with him. Health issues mean its not going to be possible to get any other bird for quite some time so I’ve started to put Sunshine’s cage near Robins just for a little while so they get used to being around each other.

Poor Charlie she was feisty, bity and bad tempered but I still loved her, even if she did take chunks out of me, I can’t believe she died, she was so young! I can only think it must have been a heart attack as she was showing no signs of illness nor made any sound before she died.

This is a picture of her with Sunshine, taken in July before their moult. Charlie is the blue one. She was only with us for 90 days and one morning.

Charlie and Sunshine 2014

Charlie and Sunshine 2014

Rest in peace Charlie, I hope you find the rest of our flock at Rainbow bridge and we can all be together again one day.

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Thanks to all those who offered words of support while they baby budgies were in the vets. I’m happy to report they were able to come home after 5 days, then we had to give them oral antibiotics for a week or so and now they are in much better spirits and health. I had to learn how to catch them with a cloth, like the vet did and moving their cage to the coffee table so it was a different way round while we did all this and then returning it to its usual position afterwards has kept them chilled with hands and not too territorial about their cage. I put my hand in to change seed pot and offer treats or toys most days.

Sunshine (yellow face) and Charlie my two Rainbow budgies. Just over 2 months old.

Sunshine (yellow face) and Charlie my two Rainbow budgies. Just over 2 months old.

They have settled well and developed their personalities, Sunshine is a dear little soul, very sweet natured, she will eat millet through the bars from me as well as from my palm in the cage, she nibbles my hand but doesn’t bite. She loves to play but is getting pushed aside more and more by Charlie which is making her more timid.

Charlie who was chosen first for his/her colouring is proving to be a GIRL! I’m not being sexist here by my following comments, just classic girl budgie! She is gobby, she is pushy, she is a really hard biter! She is getting tame in that she will hop on and off my hand for food or toys but once they are gone she bites and gnaws at me 😦 Girl budgies are like that, moody and can be viscious. I’m hoping she’ll improve in a few months and that I can introduce them to Robin in the big cage once quarantine is over. Vet said 3 months, a month to get over the infection and then the usual 2 months wait.

I had to put them on a plainer diet as the Premium Pets At home seed has oats in which was getting them hyped but in the small quarantine cage not enough room to fly off the energy and it got them very bicker with each other. Charlie also enjoys throwing everything in beak range! Veg I can understand, my other flock did that too, but since I stopped with the oat filled seed she has taken to grabbing beakfuls of the plain seed and spitting it out uneaten on the floor?! Later they both go down on the floor to eat some?!

Baby birds sure do do some odd things! but love them lots and will take the scars to help them get used to hands bringing toys or millet etc.

Links

I joined a new budgie forum called Adorable Budgies its wonderful, lots of budgie chat from wonderful friendly people. If you have and love budgies do come and visit them too.

Best wishes

Billie 🙂

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Welcome Back

Would you like to see where I create? I’m everso nosey and love a look round the internet to see how others organize their creative spaces, so today I’ll share a picture of my studio. Its during a project so there’s STUFF everywhere 😉

In the studio; my work desk, paint everywhere hehe

In the studio; my work desk, paint everywhere hehe

To the right of this is, more cupboard space and what was drying area..before I covered it in other stuff oops

In the studio; the right hand side of the room

In the studio; the right hand side of the room

Its no good I refuse to show you the other side of the room, its a mess! Yup worse than these two sides. Its an orgazined mess, in that there are things I’ve made, and stuff for making things, mostly in boxes but it looks like a horders dumping ground (which it kinda is) but I’m too ashamed to put that pic out there {blushes}

Instead a close up of the ATC project I was working on at the time I took these pictures, check out my ‘new to me’ paint colours, pastel! Yes I’m still in shock too, they are very nice but I’m still getting used to what to do with them and what colours they will play nicely with.

In the studio: A close up of the creative space

In the studio: A close up of the creative space

Hope you have enjoyed a look round my studio, maybe I’ll post some more pics soon of after the tidy up 😉 Holler if you want to see the ‘after’ pictures hehe.

Where do you create? Love a nosey round studios online, go on show us your studio pics and maybe we can have our own little blog hop, post your craft room pics in a blog post and link up in your comments below.

Best wishes and thanks for reading, see you soon

Billie 🙂

 

 

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Last Friday 4th July these two beautiful baby Rainbow budgies came home with us. The one with the yellow face I’ve called Sunshine and the blue one I’ve called Charlie. They were born 1 may 2014.

Sunshine (at the back) and Charlie (at the front) Rainbow budgies.

Sunshine (at the back) and Charlie (at the front) Rainbow budgies.

Sunshine was a bit sneezy on Monday but they were both perky enough, however on Wednesday morning Charlie started breathing hard and fast and wheezing! Although at times, he looked like everything was fine and was eating and drinking, preening and playing, when you looked under his tail you could see he was still breathing far too fast. DH phoned the avian vet and we took them both over in the afternoon. By that time Charlie’s wheezing was worse and more noisy. They were amazing in the car, I talked to them all the way and when I peeped under the cover both were sitting on the perch near me, like it was helping them.

The vet was too worried about handling them with Charlie’s breathing so fast, and they had to stay in. The vet thinks its a repertory infection of some kind given the sneezing Sunshine had exhibited previously and they would have had the condition before we brought them home but the stress of moving them to home had likely set it off.

Sunshine looked it better shape as her breathing was ok but the vet thinks she’s likely a carrier and her immune system was just stronger than Charlie’s. They needed antibiotic injections 😦 and would need another each day so although I was heartbroken to be parted from them so soon, it was important to do what ever would give them the best chance of survival. So they are in there till Saturday so they can be kept medicated as needed and nebulised/ crop fed if necessary. So worried for them they are so little, the shop said they were born 1 May 2014 and they looked so small in the cage, it broke my heart as they are so bonded to each other, quite tame about hands at the moment and also were just at the stage where both were taking millet from my hand through the bars, its a critical time for our bonding and taming. But I just want them fit and well.

Luckily thanks to an online forum I already knew where our nearest avian vet was, they are excellent and have treated our other birds for many years.

Sunshine (yellow face) and Charlie my two Rainbow budgies. Just over 2 months old.

Sunshine (yellow face) and Charlie my two Rainbow budgies. Just over 2 months old.

Please send healing thoughts and prayers for their recovery. The vet phoned Thursday morning to say no change to Charlie but only had the one dose of antibiotics yet so it was what they would expect at this point. Sunshine is still doing ok. At least Charlie made it through the night which I had worried about last night.

Billie

Always know where a proper Avian vet is BEFORE you get birds! Its heart-breaking enough when they get poorly but many vets are not highly trained for birds and the birds are very vulnerable when they get sick and need expert assistance as soon as you see issues. Birds are also very good at hiding illness, at first glance Charlie looked ok but look closer and his breathing issues were still apparent. Time is a deal breaker for weather they survive a health issue, you don’t want to be doing a search for a vet at the last minute.

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