Archive for the ‘Grief’ Category

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This post is to remember the life, of my wonderful canary Luccello. He had the voice and heart of an angel.

5 January 2016- 6 January 2022

Its hard to find enough words to describe this wonderful bird and how much he means to me. I will share a poem next week, that I wrote some time ago as that sums his character up well

About his name Luccello

I wanted a beautiful name, some thing a little different. I looked up bird, in other languages and found Ucello which is Italian. In the dictionary it said, L’uccello, for the bird. I liked the sound of it so thats what I chose.

That said, he also had lots of other ‘at home names; ‘Mr Licky Lu, as he LOVED to lick pretty much anything and everything, he could get his beak on. When he had out of cage fly rounds, he would fly to the top of the bookshelf and make out with glasswear, singing them quiet love songs. He was ‘in a relationship’ with; a bottle, a decanter, and picture. I mostly called him Lu.

Luccello’s favorite things

Aside from the objects he visited to chat up, see above, he loved to sit on the back of the sofa, watching the world go by. On top of a lampshade (not lit!) and yes I did frequently try to stop him.

He loved sitting in a patch of sunshine on the windowsill, catching some rays. He would spread out his wings, and tail and bliss out.

Another object he was very into, was a peacock feather. Though the top ‘eye’ section of the long feather, had broken off, I had kept it. Lu must have thought it would be a great prize, for one of his suitors and would try to fly with it. Since canaries are not that big and only weigh about 18 grams it was a tall ask. In the words of Forest Gump ‘God loves a tryer’ and he would keep on trying to fly with it. Once he made it a couple of feet, from bookshelf to table, but skidded to a flop so he gave up with it after a while.

He also loved carrying his own feathers around. Didn’t feather pluck but I saved some of his feathers from when he moulted, so he could have those n not feather pluck, if he wanted one to carry around.

At home

Pretty sure, Lu must have come from an aivery as he didn’t love the Record 3 cage I had for him during quaranteen (his not c19 as this was 2016). I also have a large aivery cage, which he later went in, but though he loved it during the day, he would pace the floor as light dropped and I took to ofering him the small cage to sleep in. He loved this, my dexterity didn’t. I had to have the smaller cage on table next to the big cage so he could go in as I struggled to lift the cage. I later got him to jump on a flat hand and took him from cage to cage that way. I would say ‘Taxi for Lucello’ and he’d hop on. In later years he did settle in the big cage.

Here is the big cage https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUJqiChSJGc sadly this was from 2020 when he couldn’t fly and was having balance issues, and was filmed to show the vet. That’s why the perches are so low. Later I had to take the perches out as although he coudn’t fly, he didn’t get the memo and would try and then fall. 😭

Frizzy wings

Canaries LOVE a bath. When Lu wanted a bath he would shake his wings, vibrating them. If I didn’t offer a dish of water for him to wash in quickly, I would find him dunking his head in a drinking water dish, n come out looking like a punk rocker.

When I photographed him, he would litterally glow white. Lu was deep yellow but the top layer of feathers on his wings and back had white flecks, his tail and primary feathers (long ones on his wings) were also white. When I photographed him, he would look like a ball of white light.

Rest in Peace my beautiful friend

I miss my canary Luccello so very much, he was my world. My heart is broken. He will be my last bird. I burried him at home, in a meditation space, in a sunny spot. It has a covering of white gravel and a Buddha statue.

I lit candle, burned incence, placed a holly twig for protection, gave the space Reiki and called in angelic protection to keep cats n foxes off the space. It is a beautiful space, where I can come to remember all the flock. This is an old photo, there is a different, lighter, statue of Buddha there now and pebbles have mellowed.

This is the meditaiton space.

Spiritual connection

Before he passed, I said ‘I will watch sunrise and sunset and think of you. When I feel the sun on my face, I send that love, to you too. Sunrise will be our thing. At Rainbow Bridge you will find your voice, have strong legs and wings and be able to go anywhere you want. Fly free, from pain’. The morning after his passing, I sat eating breakfast watching the sunrise. I said ‘I hope you made it to Rainbow Bridge ok?’ Then I saw a starling on the roof, flicking its wings, a bit like when Lu did when he wanted a bath. Lu sending a message, I got my wings!

I asked ‘Did you find the flock ok?’ and the startling flew over to a group of starlings. Then one of them flew down to the fence at the bottom of the garden and sang. I took that to mean, he found his voice again!!

Starlings stayed close when I burried him, and a blackbird sang softly from the hedge as I sat in that space with the candle and incense. Starlings have been visiting at sunset, when they gather in groups before flying off to roost. I hadn’t even thought of that when I had said to Lu, ‘If you want to visit from Rainbow Bridge I’ll look out for signs.’ Now I see them sunrise and sunset, in later days there have been bigger flocks visiting and flying as a group. My flock dropping by to let me know they are still around and OK. Its bringing a lot of peace and comfort, thinking of the birds visiting like this.

The next day, I saw a wren close to the house. Words of poetry came to me and I wrote them down. (I’ll share it another time) Later a swan flew over, now that is really rare here. I looked up their connection and among other things, it says it links to poets.

I am devistated, that I won’t be able to have birds indoors going forwards. But all this has reminded me that there are lots of fam in spirit who have been using birds as mesengers to let me know they are thinking of me. Its a reminder that although there are no longer birds indoors, there are still birds in the world and I can see them through the window and hear their beautiful songs.

Another day, I went through all the bird supplies I had. Kept some and put others asside ready for the bin. Bin not donate, in case what gave Lu the liver disease was contageous. I wasn’t ready to put it in the bin yet.

When I woke up to Classic FM, I said ‘Please can u send me a song, to help me put that stuff in the bin? Ride of the Valceries came on, my late hubbies song of choice, when he was on his way to a competition. I said ‘thanks, not my fave but I see where ur coming from and thanks hun’ Next came the theme song to a detective show we used to watch together, Inspector Montlebano. Appropriate as its an Itallian show adn Lucellos name is Itallian for the bird.

If u have access to candle icons to leave in his memory in the comments that would be kind.

Thanks for reading, see you soon

Billie x

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Welcome Back

If 2022, did not start in a happy way for you and you too are grieving, this one is for you. Are all the Happy New year greetings, making you want to crawl under a blanket? Here is my poem and we’ll talk afterwards.

Early Grief

This is the path to peace,

Through the river of snot and tears,

Through the primal screams of loss,

Throught the primal screams of fears.


I’ve walked this path before,

Feeling numb, confused and lost,

So I leave these words as a map,

To help me feel, less lost.


For when your hungry, but cannot eat,

So tired, but cannot sleep,

When you sleep and sleep all day,

And still cannot see the way.


Time to rest and cry it out.

Drink lots of water, helps you out.

Not listen to anyone

Just doing, what can be done.


Take each second at a time,

More than that, fries your mind,

These are the ways, that have been kind

When your are lost, in space and time.


by Billie @billiescraftroom

About grief

Grief is tough, its messy, it knows nothing of time, space and special days, holidays. Weather you lost your special someone just before or during the holiday periods or at any other time, it can be especially hard when you see others expressing joy, when you are not on that page.

There is so much expectation around grief, I found I was bombarded with ‘suggestions’, the sentances that start with; ‘you should, you must, why don’t you.’ worst of all the ‘… wouldn’t want you to…’ Though the person saying that, may be sending it from a place of love, that sure isn’t how it lands. It can feel like, your pain is socially unacceptable, makes them uncomfortable and the message you can be getting is, just don’t do this around me!

Thing is in early grief, its not always possible to control thoughts, feelings and emotions. The smallest thing can cause a tsunami of emotions and the river of tears arrives. It takes all that you have, to stop from flopping to the floor, to join them. I hope you are given the time and space to process in your own way, in your own time.

Often though, pressures from all sides prevent that. Just know that what ever you are doing, that is helping you get through second by second, is the very best you can do right now.

Others opionions and expectations are theirs not a to do list, not yours.

In the early days when you can barely process the basics, fending off those expectations, suggestions, or trying to defend your need, to be doing what you are doing, is just too exhausting. Feeling the need to appoligise for your thoughts, feelings and actions. Horrible isn’t it.

  • If you are supporting someone through grief please take a moment to watch Megan Devine’s video on You Tube called, How do you help a greiving friend. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2zLCCRT-nE
  • Here is a list of supportive sites if it is you who is grieving and feel you might like some external support https://aspacetoheal.wordpress.com/healing/peaceful-place/
  • Rainbows Bridge is a site discussing Pet Loss. https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/ They have advice on end of life care for your beloved pet, memorial space options, candle rememberance days. Its a kind space. Rainbows Bridge is a virtual memorial home and grief support community for your departed fur baby. Whether furry, feathered or scaled, all are welcome.

I’m so sorry for you loss, you do you, my post wasn’t about telling anyone what to do, think or feel. It was an expression of my own grief, I’m posting it as I know I’m not the only one grieving and perhaps the links later in the post, will be of use to you or someone you know.

If you are going to offer ideas to someone grieving, please ASK THEM first.

Sometimes, someone does want ideas and suggestions, but only when they are able to process, that information. Go in with that advice too soon and its tmi. Also PLEASE don’t offer anything you are not willing or able to come good on. Its a difficult time that is hard to navigate, its exhausting. Takes a lot of courage to reach out to someone, so please be mindful about what you offer someone who is grieving.

Each loss is unique depending on who or what you are grieving, can be person, pet, place, the old you and old situation. It also can differ depending on your relationship to that, as well how things ended.

Holding safe space for you while you navigate this difficult time.


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